Episode 10: Spiritual Abuse
- Meghan Tschida
- Sep 21, 2023
- 3 min read
Updated: Sep 25, 2023
Spiritual abuse is a complicated topic because everyone's religious beliefs are different, everyone typically thinks that their beliefs are the correct ones, and many, many abuse survivors have had religion used against them at some point, either by their abuser or as secondary abuse (sometimes referred to as double abuse) by their church or families. Often, the victim ends up leaving the church altogether due to this abuse.
In their book Escaping the Maze of Spiritual Abuse, Dr. Lisa Oakley and Justin Humphreys define spiritual abuse as
"A form of emotional and psychological abuse. It is characterized by systematic pattern of coercive and controlling behavior in a religious context."
They also state that
"Spiritual abuse can have a deeply damaging impact on those who experience it."
There are entire podcasts, blogs, and foundations devoted just to the topic of religious abuse, but for our purposes, I will discuss the markers of spiritual abuse within an abusive relationship that are listed in Sarah McDougal's Red Flags chart. Many of the examples come from the Patrick Weaver Ministries Facebook Page. Please keep in mind that these 'half truths, untruths and/or false applications of scripture' are used to coerce and abuse. While some of these statements may seem true within the scope of a healthy relationship, they absolutely do not apply to an abusive one.
Gaining Clarity
Spiritual Abuse can include:
-Uses beliefs to their own advantage
(Can sound like...….God hates divorce. Adultery is the only biblical cause for divorce. God didn't say marriage would be easy. Suffering for Christ's sake is our Christian duty, etc.)
-Leverages your convictions to shame you into compliance
(Can sound like...…..Prayer changes things. Love covers a multitude of sin. You need to take responsibility for your own part. There's two sides to every story. God commanded us to carry each other's burdens. God will punish you for breaking your covenant. Who God joined together let no man separate.)
-Exploits your conscience and loyalty for their own gain
(Can sound like...…love endures all things. You must forgive and keep no record of wrongs We have all sinned and fallen short. You must forgive 70 x 7 times. Your relationship with God will suffer if you leave.)
-Flips blame if you fail to meet your own standards
(Can sound like....What did you do to cause me to behave that way? If you submitted like God commanded, then I would change.)
-Leverages spiritual leaders against spouse
(This can look like...….Pastoral counseling indicating you lack faith, the need to submit to your husband, or give it to God, etc. You cannot participate in church ministry if you divorce. If you don't 'xyz' then I'll tell the church leaders that you refuse to 'xyz.')
-Controls or dictates your liberty (Can include demanding your submission in a way that means all beliefs and spiritual practice or involvement must be approved by husband.)
Patrick Weaver States in his post:
Not one, and I mean not one, of the above is biblically applicable or related to an abusive marriage. Every scripture in the Bible has context, and there is no context that binds an abuse victim to an abuser. Not one. Spiritual abuse is real.
If you have experienced any of these dynamics by your partner, friends, or family, I encourage you to seek out resources to gain clarity about the characteristics of spiritual abuse and what to do about it. As your self-proclaimed resource warehouse, I have posted below some valuable information for your journey.
As always, you're not crazy, you're not alone, you deserve healthy love, and you're safe here.
-Mission is to empower Christian communities to recognize, prevent, and respond to abuse
Patrick Weaver Ministries: The Exodus Project -Education and resources for survivors of Domestic Abuse
-FREE crash course on categories and dangers of Domestic Violence with the FREE Red-Flags chart included
What is Double Abuse? Why Your Church is Hurting Victims and Doesn't Even Know It (#EndItNow Part One)
PODCASTS
BTR.org Betrayal Trauma Recovery with Anne Blythe Episode: Stop Telling Victims to Forgive their Abuser!
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